Sunday morning, August 9, 2015 I was, as is my habit, listening to “On Being” with Krista Tippett interviewing John O’Donohue, the now deceased Irish poet and philosopher.
Besides the sheer beauty of the music of his Irish voice which seem to come from some eternal place within him, he, with his words, reminded me and others listening of something Meister Eckhart, a 14th-century mystic said. “There is a place in the soul — there is a place in the soul that neither time, nor space, nor no created thing can touch." Mr. O’Donohue went on to say, “…that your identity is not equivalent to your biography. And that there is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there's still a sureness in you, where there's a seamlessness in you, and where there is a confidence and tranquility in you.”
It occurred to me that this is exactly what it means to be healed. As a counselor/therapist I have long maintained that what I do is to sit with a person while they become quiet enough to discover that confident, peaceful, wise place which we all have within us.
Often I tell stories to illustrate what we are looking for. Frequently these are stories of people I have known- of the experience of others who have found this place within themselves. I am reminded of the belief by some Native American tribes that we are our stories although the question might arise, “Which story?” I tell myself many stories about myself. My memory is shaped and molded each new day – with the myriad of impressions, experiences, and emotions which have come to visit on any particular day. My memory may also be affected by what I want to believe. If I tell myself a story often enough I may come to believe it. Then I have to ask myself what is true. Sometimes I have no idea of “the facts” but if quiet enough I will know “the essential truth” which is always related to the purpose of the story. When a Native American tells his or her story, it is frequently an analogy or a metaphor intended to convey some essential truth about the purpose and meaning of this life journey.
Mr. O’Donohue reminds us that we are always more than the story we tell ourselves. We are a story which cannot be conveyed with words. I would hope that all of us have had the experience of meeting someone for the first time and knowing that we have known them forever – that they can be trusted completely with who we are which is not our costume, or roles, our education, or our abilities. It is that person with whom we have a connection which is eternal – a connection which reminds us that there is no us or them. We jointly just are.
It is the job of the shaman, healer, parent, friend, mentor, sponsor to support us in being present with ourselves without all the shields, judgment, or fears. The goal is to just notice or be present with who I am which is this strong, connected, loving person.
We are always changing into becoming that which is not changed. What I mean is that I think that often we are at our wisest and most accepting of new truths when we are very young. Soon, however, we learn that we are not enough in some way or even worse, that we are defected or simply something to be used or the object of abuse. We begin to lose confidence and fear takes over. Our sense of who we are and our ability to be present has changed. Mr. O’Donahue says:
“I mean I always think that that is the secret of change. That there are huge gestations and fermentations going on in us that we’re not even aware of. And then sometimes when we come to a threshold, crossing over in which we need to become different, that we’ll be able to be different because secret work has been done in us of which we’ve had no inkling.” In other words we get impatient and/or lose hope. Sometimes a person comes to see a therapist or shaman and it seems that nothing is happening. The person in pain or who is there gets impatient and may end the relationship. It is “normal” for someone to come and see me for one or two times and then quit coming. That person may not have experienced the miracles of becoming themselves or coming in to themselves for a very long time. They have no sense of how or who they are beneath the fears and the lies. Sometimes the person who masquerades as a healer tells the person that they have to stop coming because they have not done their homework or are not working hard enough or are not “motivated.” If I begin to feel inpatient with the process I need to remind myself that this is my issue and not the fault of the so called client/patient/seeker. There could be, as Mr. O’Donohue suggest huge “gestations and fermentations” which are not evident. Sometimes there is some undiagnosed medical/physical issue which needs attention. A number of times I have had a person referred to me because a doctor has decided that the presenting symptoms are “all in the person’s head.” Now it may sometimes be the case that the physical symptoms are being aggravated by something emotional but this does not preclude a physical problem/condition. If I am listening carefully I will “intuit” this and will trust that intuition.
The healer/physician/shaman/therapist also has to be present to the huge “gestations and fermentations” which are going on within them. When we are worried about being on the clock, we cannot hear the client/patient/hurting person. When I see my doctor who works in a very busy setting and who is frequently overbooked, one would think that he has nothing better to do for the next eight hours than “be with me.” He is almost always totally present to listen to me and to himself.
Who are we? We are that wise, beautiful, kind, loving person who is perfectly aligned with the universe. We merely have to trust that truth. We are as Kevin Costner’s character discovers in the film by the same name, “Dancing With the Wolves.”
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